Beat Generation or Defeat Copulation?

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Submitted by Gordon Smith on Mon, 11/20/2006 - 4:01pm.

For each of the following boldtext quotes, it's up to you to decide which of these famous men uttered the words. Was it Jack Kerouac, American novelist, writer, poet, artist, and part of the Beat Generation? Or was it Eric Keroack, a Marblehead, Mass. obstetrician, gynecologist, and abstinence-only promoter, newly appointed by President Bush to oversee the federal Office of Population Affairs?

1. "My aunt once said the world would never find peace until men fell at their women's feet and asked for forgiveness."

2. "PRE-MARITAL SEX is really MODERN GERM WARFARE."

3. "We turned at a dozen paces, for love is a duel, and looked up at each other for the last time."

4. "People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual."

5. "I was just looking at the jukebox. Just playing records. She said, "You want to play with me?" I said, "Sure. How much?" She says, "Five bucks, two dollars for the room." "Was it nice, Jack?" "All women are nice."

6. "Emotional pain causes our bodies to produce an elevated level of endorphins which in turn lowers the level of oxytocin. Therefore, relationship failure leads to pain which leads to elevated endorphins which leads to lower oxytocin the result of which is a lower ability to bond."

Roll your cursor over each number to link to the answer. Part Two of our quiz is made up of statements regarding one of the two men. It's up to you, considerate hooligans, to separate the Beat genius from the other guy.

1. This man ran "A Woman's Concern, a Christian nonprofit. The Dorchester, Mass.-based organization runs six centers in the state that offer free pregnancy testing, ultrasounds and counseling. It also works to "help women escape the temptation and violence of abortion," according to its statement of faith. And it opposes contraception, saying its use increases out-of-wedlock pregnancy and abortion rates.

"A Woman's Concern is persuaded that the crass commercialization and distribution of birth control is demeaning to women, degrading of human sexuality and adverse to human health and happiness," its contraception policy reads in part."

2. "He was educated at Columbia University and the novel, On the Road - a semi-autobiographical tome of prose - exemplified the carefree, Beat lifestyle."

3. If you poke around online and take a look at the arguments [He] makes against abortion and comprehensive sex education, you soon learn how scientifically inept the pro-life crowd is. This is, afterall, the same crowd that wants to ban the teaching of Evolution in the classroom."

4. "He was one of the "experts" who determined that federally funded abstinence education programs must mention contraceptives only in relation to their failure rates and promote abstinence until marriage."

5. "He spent the early 1950's writing one unpublished novel after another, carrying them around in a rucksack as he roamed back and forth across the country. He followed Ginsberg and Cassady to Berkeley and San Francisco, where he became close friends with the young Zen poet Gary Snyder."

Thanks for playing. Know that your Bush administration would never appoint a passionate poet to oversee your childrens sex lives. Oh no. Instead he'll appoint a self-important loon with delusions of scientistical corraboratorial whatnottery, a Christianist who wouldn't dare separate his churching and his statements. Dr. Eric Keroack, now in charge of funding all federal family planning programs, can be trusted never to trust you or your children to have safer sex or trust you to make decisions regarding your own health.