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Help us track the crazy

We're working to build a list of all the things the Pope team has targeted to make illegal. For example, today we've learned that they want to make it illegal for cities in North Carolina to track their carbon footprints. (No, this is not a Blue Onion satire. This is real.) With that in mind, we'd greatly appreciate any input your can provide. Either post a comment or send us an email. Thanks.

NCGOP outlaws cicada sex to stave off 17 year plague

Exclusive to Blue Onion

CORNELIUS - It may look like a beautiful spring day in the North Carolina foothills, but lurking beneath the ground lies a coming plague. That is unless Speaker Thom Tillis and his pal Skip Scam get their way.

"So-called scientists tell us that we're in for a mighty swarm of cicadas this year," said Tillis in an exclusive interview with this reporter. "But as usual, scientists are wrong. Just like they are wrong about rising sea-levels, Viagra, and Twinkies. I know this for a fact from first-hand experience."

"But just in case, we've passed emergency legislation making illegal for cicadas to rise from the ground and mate," said Skip Scam, Tillis' go-to source when it comes to animal copulation. "If the North Carolina General Assembly says there will be no cicada sex, by god, there will be no cicada sex."

Daily dose

King Arthur came to Camelot and told the peasants he would raise taxes. One peasant who heard the speech said: "I need to go home and take a shower."

Much more royal madness below the fold.

Cuts Spur Air Force to Idle Part of Its Fleet (Wall Street Journal) -- The U.S. Air Force is idling one-third of its combat air fleet because of across-the-board spending cuts, a move officials said would reduce readiness to respond in the event of a global crisis.

White House assistant chef says he will be furloughed (AP) -- Even White House chefs could be feeling the pain of government budget cuts.


Pesky facts about tax reform

It looks like the Regressives in Raleigh will be pressing forward to redistribute even more wealth by cutting taxes on the the ultra-rich and increasing taxes on lower income households. They know what they're doing ... they just don't care.

Daily dose

Navy furloughs would hit 94 percent of workforce (Washington Post) -- The Navy will allow only limited exceptions from expected furloughs of civilian employees.

Sequester means 11 percent cut in unemployment benefits (Washington Post) -- The sequester's effect on unemployment insurance is highlighted in a report from The Pew Charitable Trusts.


Daily dose

Republicans try to beat past tax reform dangers (AP) -- Republican legislative leaders and Gov. Pat McCrory brimmed with optimism early this year about prospects for passing a North Carolina tax code overhaul that most agree has been needed for decades. Still, they didn't predict smooth sailing.

Dix bill backers, opponents spar over deed’s words (Raleigh News & Observer) -- A single line of faded cursive from the mid-19th century has taken center stage as state legislators consider revoking Raleigh’s lease on the Dorothea Dix property.

The ongoing war on Christianity

It's not what you think.

People of faith find that every day they must look into their heart, their mind and their religious texts and approach the world in the way they feel their faith asks of them. In the last ten years, though, something truly sinister has begun to happen in America, to one of the major faiths that dominates our landscape.

Christianity has come under serious attack. Those who followed the teaching of Christ have found that their churches have become corrupted, the preachings at pulpits tainted, and the heart of their faith has been disturbingly altered.

There is a war against Christianity my friends.


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