Breaking: McCrory to shut down all college athletics programs

CHAPEL HILL, NC - Deputy Assistant Governor Pat McCrory today doubled-down in attacking the University of North Carolina system, declaring his intention to eliminate all collegiate sports on every UNC campus effective in 2014.

"State funded universities should be educating students to get good-paying jobs," McCrory said to a standing-room-only crowd of in the Dean Smith Center.

"Look at this wasteful building," he said, pointing to the Carolina blue jerseys hanging from the rafters. "Two or three players at most will get jobs playing basketball after they graduate. That's a crazy use of tax dollars."

"And what about all the other sports here in Chapel Hill? Cross country? Are you shining me? Who gets a job as a runner these days? And what about wrestling? All those guys smelling each others' armpits? Seriously? That's not a job for a state university, that's a job for Tom Fetzer."

In a follow up question, McCrory was asked about funding for the school of education in the wake of draconian budget cuts coming to public schools. "Great point," McCrory said. "Do we really need to keep turning out teachers when we're closing schools right and left? The school of education? I don't think so. I'm going to shut that freaking place down."

______________________________

More Blue Onion posts here

Comments

The only good paying jobs...

...coming out of the universities are for professional athletes...and ..well...I guess there are not so many of those after all...because the sports teams pretty much suck.

______________________________________________________________________

The measure of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little. - FDR

Nothing about jobs in the NC constitution

Sec. 9. Benefits of public institutions of higher education.

The General Assembly shall provide that the benefits of The University of North Carolina and other public institutions of higher education, as far as practicable, be extended to the people of the State free of expense.

McCrory's such a dick.

The best paying jobs?

The best paying jobs that come from college are those who go to college to find a nice rich spouse. All those fancy courses are fine but the real value of college is in marrying money. College should teach young men and women the tools to discover if the love of your life really does have family money or if he or she is merely a "poser." Parlaying the good times of college into marrying well should be priority #1. Marrying well precludes the need for a common job.

I thought I had married well. Prior to marriage the rumor was that my future wife's father owned a bank and his health was failing. But as luck would have it his health was fine. It was the damn bank that was failing. So I have had to work to support him and his daughter. Do not rely on rumors of wealth. Colleges should teach the students to investigate!

That's not bad luck,

it's called karma. Or "Godsmack", if you prefer the quaint vernacular.

THE best paying job

Art Pope has the best paying job in the state. All he had to do was make it out of his mother's womb alive ... Presto! A privileged multimillionaire slumlord was born!

According to McCrory's logic, people like Pope should never be allowed in public universities. They already have jobs ... no need to take a spot for some wannabe rich guy in mechanical engineering.

Lol! Check this out:

Apparently some people have a broken humor detector:

James Protzman authored what he calls a "Blue Onion" post, a reference to the satirical, fake news sites The Onion, with a headline that read, "Breaking: McCrory to shut down all college athletics programs."

It's clearly a spoof -- but one TV reporter from an unknown outlet didn't get the joke. "Governor, could you please explain your position on doing away with athletics programs at UNC campuses?" the reporter asked McCrory.

"My position on doing away with ... I don't know what," McCrory said, clearly confused -- like the rest of the reporters and staff in the room.

The exchange continued:

TV reporter: There are reports out there that by 2014 you plan to ...

Governor: I have no idea what you are referring to.

TV reporter: That's not true?

:)

Actually, I sorta wish it was true.

Every student who attends UNCW pays $438 a year so UNCW can pay their BB coach $700K/year and recruit Ball players and give them scholarships. In my opinion, that's disgusting.

In a related opinion, to really frost people, every time I see someone with a block of cheese on their head or wearing some other outlandish garb to "root" for their team, I wonder if their mother's birth pains were worth it.

Stan Bozarth

I wish it was true too

but DAG McCrory doesn't have the spine to put his ass on the line behind all his happy talk about jobs.