Exactly one way to fix Jordan Lake

The anti-environment, pro-pollution-if-it-benefits-corporations nut jobs in control of the Jones Street House of Pain passed a really stupid bill to delay the Jordan Lake Rules that took a decade to develop. Those rules were intended to maintain Jordan Lake as a safe drinking water source (and recreational area, and wildlife refuge). Of course, DAG McCrony signed this really stupid bill. So now it's NC law that it's pretty much OK to shit in people's drinking water.

Because freedom.

In a pathetic attempt to try to demonstrate that they're not drinking water lake shitters, the wing nuts included a provision to deploy an "experimental" technology that, as nearly as we can tell, is an expensive, fancy aerator.

But not just any aerator. Oh, nooooooooo. The specific aerator, according to law, must:

  • have adjustable float arms with a one-inch diameter shaft and turnbuckle
  • use "type 316" stainless steel
  • use polystyrene foam beads to absorb water
  • weigh approximately 850 pounds

Now, some folks are saying that these provisions were intentionally written into the law to favor a single company (SolarBee) who happens to make the SB10000HW v18 High Wave Mixer, which by a grand coincidence weighs EXACTLY 850 pounds and has adjustable float arms with a one-inch diameter shaft and turnbuckle, uses "type 316" stainless steel and uses polystyrene foam beads to absorb water.

Stunning!

Any clear-thinking, red-blooded American who hates Obama and pledges allegiance to ALEC can see through the left-wing nonsense. Anyone with an ounce of business sense who's not a dirty hippy knows that there are probably dozens, if not hundreds, of businesses who produce aerators that weighs about 850 pounds, have adjustable float arms with a one-inch diameter shaft and turnbuckle, use "type 316" stainless steel and use polystyrene foam beads to absorb water.

C'mon people! The most common addition to adjustable float arms is a one-inch diameter shaft and turnbuckle! And type 316 stainless steel is more common than nitrogen in the air.

Still, in an abundance of caution, some of the Greedy Old Party loons responded:

Nelson "Anything for a" Dollar tells us that he "can't remember" who inserted this benign, generic language into the bill. Sen. Rick "Everyone should carry a" Gunn said he "doesn't know" who wrote this part of the bill.

But the Tillisberger passed the bill that everyone seems to be ignorant about, and DAG McCrony signed the bill (based on precedent, we assume he didn't read it).

So now it's time to put out bid requests to the multitude of companies who produce aerators that weighs about 850 pounds, have adjustable float arms with a one-inch diameter shaft and turnbuckle, use "type 316" stainless steel and use polystyrene foam beads to absorb water.

And maybe we should find out why Rick Gunn is so ignorant about laws directly related to his constituents, and find out if Nelson Dollar needs to be treated for senility, given his serious memory lapses.

We certainly don't know anything more than Gunns 'n' Dollars, but we couldn't help but notice that Rep. Pat McElraft sure went out of her way to defend this corruption.

As is usually the case, a prudent approach is to follow the money. Mr. SolarBee swears that he hasn't made any NC campaign contributions. Usually that means that the check is in the mail.

It's enlightening to see how people behave when they know they can get away with anything.

The NC GOP has demonstrated a thorough lack of ethics and morals and a healthy dose of corruption and sleaze.

And nearly all of them profess to be upstanding, righteous Christians.

Pardon me while I puke.

Comments

To be fair...

...the major ass-kicking should apply to ALL NCGA elected officials whose surname is synonymous with currency or firearms; who have adjustable values and principles; who have a much smaller than average shaft (turnbuckle optional); and who use the tactic of outright lying to absorb the cash that the beneficiaries of legislation shower on them.

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"I will have a priority on building relationships with the minority caucus. I want to put substance behind those campaign speeches." -- Thom Tillis, Nov. 5, 2014