Lynchburg, Virginia -- A new poll just released by the Sparkle Group shows that North Carolinians are extremely unhappy with Republicans representing them in Congress. With an average approval rating of just 7%, no GOP member can be considered safe in the upcoming election cycle.
"We surveyed 7,281 Tarheel voters in collaboration with the Christian polling service at Bribery University in Lynchburg," said Sparkle spokesperson Bobbing Weave. "We used the exact same fake methodology Bribery University used in their extensive polling around Donald Trump's election bid. And to tell the truth, we were shocked by the dismal approval ratings."
No representative from any of the NC Congressional offices would speak on the record about the findings. One staffer, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said she wasn't surprised at all by the numbers. "I can't speak for every office," she said, "but the guy I work for is a freakin' joke. All talk, no action, full of crap. It's embarrassing."
In addition to gauging support for Congresspeople, Sparkle also tested the appeal of Lieutenant Governor Dan Forest whose incessant bid for governor is attracting almost no one. Only 3% of those surveyed said they had heard of Forest, and of that 3% only half approved of the job he's doing. According to one interview, the only thing Forest seems to be good at is getting his picture taken. "It's like we're trapped in a Where's Waldo book," said the voter. "The guy can't seem to stop himself from mugging in front of cameras and posting his pictures of Facebook."
Sparkle said their poll has a margin of error of 100%. Detailed findings can be viewed here.