[Cross-posted from BackwardNC]
We are fully aware that we're not gonna make the Billboard Top 100, but a little musical fun seems to be in order. So with apologies to Parrotheads everywhere, we present:
Phil Berger Ain’t Very Nice
(Parody of Cheeseburger in Paradise, Jimmy Buffett)
Tried to amend my extremist nut habits.
Made it nearly half a day,
Bruisin’ hate with our greed, middle class we bleed,
Drinkin' lots of Kool Aid and stalkin' our prey.
But at night I'd have these secret sessions
Some kind of underhanded cheat.
I’m a meanie, I’m a weenie, it’s so sweet,
Love a big warm gun and a huge hunk of conceit.
Phil Berger ain’t very nice.
Scorchin’ the earth with his budget slice.
Not too particular, not too precise.
He’s just a Phil Berger who has his price.
Heard about the old time bipartisans,
They meet to solve things again and again;
Good cheer, clear heads; “Let’s work together,” they said.
Well, that shit is gone, I’m interested only in spin.
But times have changed for senators these days.
When I distort I get what I need;
Not just the taxes or budget axes or bigotry,
But that ALEC creation on which I feed!
Phil Berger ain’t very nice
We think his veins are filled with ice
Not too honest, pursues every vice
He’s just a Phil Berger who screws you twice.
I like mine with threats and hate-o
Spineless shitty shreddin’, I’m a despot dictator
Big dose of dickhead and some good old fear
Well, good god Almighty I’m so insincere
For our Phil Berger ain’t very nice
Makin' the most of every blunder and vice.
You make every damn bit of sacrifice
So Phil Berger can deny your rights;
So Phil Berger can take care of whites.
Mean Phil Berger ain’t very nice.