Greetings and salutations to one and all. The new day has arrived.
Only a few weeks after Our immaculate conception, we have been born anew, heralded and certified by the Secretary of State, with a host of rights and privileges Our human counterparts can only dream of enjoying.
Be it hereby proclaimed, the date of July 11, 2014, will go down in Our history as a momentous and transformational beginning, the day We evolved to obtain those inalienable rights granted exclusively to Corporate Persons in the United States of America and in North Carolina.
With Our religious freedom assured by the US Supreme Court, We shall be testing the regulatory boundaries as eager participants in democracy. Later this fall, We shall ceremoniously petition the Orange County Board of Elections for the right to vote in future elections. Then We shall choose an office for We shall become a candidate. We are confident that the State Board of Elections will give Us the freedom to file without the onerous burden of paperwork, which We have determined violates the fundamental tenets of Our religion.
Many other opportunities abound now that We are a Corporate Person, and We shall be exploring them all. We welcome your advice and input, which should be delivered with a $200 submission fee, to Our secret Corporate Headquarters in an undisclosed location.
Whereas, hereby, and now therefore, let it be.