We are pleased to announce that Our Incorporation is complete

Greetings and salutations to one and all. The new day has arrived.

Only a few weeks after Our immaculate conception, we have been born anew, heralded and certified by the Secretary of State, with a host of rights and privileges Our human counterparts can only dream of enjoying.

We give you James Protzman, LLC, DBA James, Inc.

Be it hereby proclaimed, the date of July 11, 2014, will go down in Our history as a momentous and transformational beginning, the day We evolved to obtain those inalienable rights granted exclusively to Corporate Persons in the United States of America and in North Carolina.

With Our religious freedom assured by the US Supreme Court, We shall be testing the regulatory boundaries as eager participants in democracy. Later this fall, We shall ceremoniously petition the Orange County Board of Elections for the right to vote in future elections. Then We shall choose an office for We shall become a candidate. We are confident that the State Board of Elections will give Us the freedom to file without the onerous burden of paperwork, which We have determined violates the fundamental tenets of Our religion.

Many other opportunities abound now that We are a Corporate Person, and We shall be exploring them all. We welcome your advice and input, which should be delivered with a $200 submission fee, to Our secret Corporate Headquarters in an undisclosed location.

Whereas, hereby, and now therefore, let it be.

Comments

Happy weekend, everyone!

We have declared today a Corporate Holiday. You will not be compensated for whatever work you do, of course.

Yes!

And We deserve this revered status in every way!

So be it!

Indeed!

Though We have no doubt We shall be among theme! We will pay whatever is needed to achieve that exalted status! Now therefore!

You should get one of those

big comfy corporate boardroom chairs and take it wherever you go. I can see it rolling backwards down the wine & cheese aisle even now...

Wonderful idea

Plus We can get preferred parking under the new designation of Corporate Persons, even better than handicapped!

Chairman of Bored Directors?

Anyone applying for the job? :)



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Vote Democratic! The ass you save may be your own.

I'm pretty sure

it's against your corporate religion to pay taxes.

Right?

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"I will have a priority on building relationships with the minority caucus. I want to put substance behind those campaign speeches." -- Thom Tillis, Nov. 5, 2014

Our attorneys are inquiring as We speak

We do not object in principle, except for the use of taxes to conduct war, discriminate, incarcerate, etc. We will have Our people get with your people to determine exactly where We wish to draw our lines this week, preserving, of course, the right to change Our mind whenever it suits Our interests.

Now that you're a big, powerful corporation

People are taking notice.

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"I will have a priority on building relationships with the minority caucus. I want to put substance behind those campaign speeches." -- Thom Tillis, Nov. 5, 2014

Corporate Wives

And do we get special privileges as corporate wives? Rhythm methods, perhaps?