Dana Bumgardner wins this week's Cletus award:
"I live in a city that has recycling - what they call a recycling system," Bumgardner said. "We have to have two garbage cans. I really don’t have room for two garbage cans and don’t want two garbage cans. But when I set it on the side of the road, they don’t pick it up and take it with them. They just empty it and put it back."
And before you ask, yes, he really did say that. I've got one word for you, Dana: Bisphenol A. Okay, that's arguably two words. The thing is, when you microwave your Hungry Man meals, that BPA has a tendency to transfer from the plastic over to your genetically-modified fried chicken and laboratory-concocted mashed potatoes, disrupting hormones, and in your case apparently destroying what few active brain cells you have. If you don't recycle that plastic tray it will be put into the ground, where it will continue to leach away BPA, eventually making the microorganisms who try to convert it into useful nutrients just as stupid as you are. You don't want that to happen, do you? I didn't think so.