Where’s Waldo, Wormhole Edition or Andy Curliss gets manipulated by Robin Hayes (Updated)
Bumped by SD - We'll replay all our greatest hits for one last storm before election day. This was originally published on July 8, 2006. Enjoy!
UPDATE: Yesterday (just a week before the Election) we found out that Hayes' recent accusations toward Larry Kissell of running a negative campaign are based on the following July 4th "controversy" in which Hayes claimed to have attended an event with GWB and Larry pointed out that he was fibbing. Of course, I used language a tad less nuanced in my diary...as you will read for yourself! Be sure to follow the link in the first paragraph to Part 1 of this story...what we have here is Part 2.
This story just gets better and better.
A few days ago, I documented Robin Hayes' baffling ability to render himself invisible as evidenced through the extensive coverage in the Fayetteville Observer, NY Times and Washington Post (including photos) of the luncheon Robin Hayes insists he shared with President Bush. Despite the claims made adamantly by his spokeswoman Carolyn Herns, we have yet to find a single shred of proof that Rep. Hayes was actually in attendance at the Fort Bragg photo op.
Join me on the flip side...
Now we see in the Stanly News & Press that Robin Hayes was over 90 miles of country road away from Fort Bragg throwing Jolly Ranchers at cowering children no more than an hour before the luncheon began.
THE STANLY NEWS & PRESS
Thursday, July 6, 2006
Oakboro has a blast on the 4th
Thousands attend 48th Independence Day festivities
Oakboro put on a party and thousands came...
…including Robin Hayes, according to the detail on page 9A.
This is a scan of a fax of the July 6 Stanly News and Press shared with us by a friend who receives the daily paper. It’s a little hard to read, but is the only documentation we have since the online version has been abbreviated and does not contain a reference to Hayes [insert conspiracy theory here]
Since the Oakboro parade began at 9 a.m. and lasted AT LEAST until 9:30 a.m. and the President's luncheon began at 10:42 a.m., it is painfully clear that Hayes SKIPPED Bush's public appearance, unless, of course, Hayes was somehow whisked away by a beam of light and magically transported to Fort Bragg.
So let's reconstruct the schedule of Robin Hayes' and George W. Bush's supernatural day as Carolyn Hern would have us believe, shall we?
8:52 a.m. — Bush exits Air Force One at Pope Air Force Base. No Hayes.
9:00 a.m. — Hayes' is hoisted onto a pickup truck over 90 miles away in Oakboro and begins beaning small children with hard candy.
9:07 a.m. — Bush meets soldiers at the U.S. Army Special Operations Command headquarters. Still no Hayes.
Somewhere between 9:30 and 10:00 a.m. — Hayes discovers a rip in the fabric of space & time somewhere along the parade route that produces a wormhole directly between Oakboro and Fort Bragg. He decides to keep it to himself, kind of like his evidence linking Saddam Hussein to 9/11.
9:59 a.m. — Bush begins his speech in front of the Iron Mike statue. Hmmm, no Hayes.
10:42 a.m. — Bush enters the 82nd Airborne Division's 3rd Brigade Combat Team dining hall for lunch with the troops. No Hayes in any photos, remarks or news coverage, although we did learn that Karl Rove chose the fried chicken for his lunch entrée.
10:43 perhaps? — Hayes exits wormhole in dining hall. Puts on Harry-Potter-Invisibility-Cloak. Begins speaking with the President "briefly" ...probably about how cool it is to be invisible.
12:02 p.m. — Bush departs on Air Force One to return to Washington. And still, no Hayes.
Which brings me to my point about Andy Curliss.
Shouldn’t that nose for news at the N&O have made Andy want to ask where Robin discovered the Wormhole and the Harry-Potter-Invisibility-Cloak? Or did Andy just take the word of the man that went on CNN a year ago, almost to the day when Bush was at Fort Bragg, claiming to have secret evidence linking Saddam Hussein to 9/11?
I guess when you have as credible a source as the "outrageous" and "bizarre" Carolyn Hern it’s easy just to take her word for it.
The bottom line is Andy Curliss got sucked into the Gossipy-Goodness of Carolyn Hern’s statement and missed the real story.
Even if Hayes did orchestrate a fantastical trip across the district to be at Bush's side, he did so in secret and on the down-low for the exact reason Kissell pointed out -- Hayes is a political opportunist and has stubbed more than the toe of his constituents. Maybe he was at Fort Bragg at some point on July 4th, but he wasn't proudly standing with his president. And last year before the polls took that big nose dive -- Hayes and Bush were inseparable. Andy Curliss said Team Kissell was unapologetic -- that is because Team Kissell stands proudly with the people of this district and has nothing to fear but a lazy press corp.
By the way, when looking for a credible source next time Andy may want to find someone other than Carolyn Hern.
"(The China bill) is a great bill and Congressman Hayes is extremely pleased to create a fair and level playing field, but it still does not change the fact that CAFTA is not a good deal for 8th District businesses," said Carolyn Hern, press secretary for Hayes.
Those of us actually IN the 8th District know better than to EVER believe a paid liar or her boss.