Why I'm Still in Iowa

After a month of campaign work in Iowa, I took three days off for Christmas. Though I had been bounced around from three different supporter houses - and routinely slept in the coldest room in each of these houses - my stay in Iowa had been productive. Everybody had been amazingly nice. With the exception of one Chinese place, the food was good, and the snow was the sort I was used to (though I've lived in North Carolina since I was seven, I was born in the Midwest). This really is an experience every active Democrat should take part in.

However, I was shaken up over the next few days. I got caught in a blizzard on my way home, and after an hour and a half of steady driving, I hit a patch of ice and did four doughnuts on I-35 South near Lamoni, IA.

It felt like the steering wheel left my hands. I was gliding on air. The person who broke really hard in front of me kept on going - I was all alone under a full moon. Any oncoming traffic and a part of my truck would have been ripped off. Somehow I kept the thing on the ground ... but I ended up in a ditch.

There was a statewide towing ban in Iowa at the time; if I had traveled a few more miles I would have been in Missouri and Triple A would have kicked in. I was still reeling from the whole experience - I was barely able to keep the thing on the ground. But I was alive and mostly well.

I was able to get part of the car back on the road, but not all of it. However, that was enough for a local sheriff to declare me a traffic hazard. Everything seemed OK until the Sheriff left suddenly - there was some crisis at the jail.

Eventually, a local towing company pulled me out of the ditch as my wallet took a hit. I was supposed to get to the place I was staying for the night at 8 or 9 ... I think I pulled in at 2. I'm used to long, 14 hour drives as a delivery driver for the local magazine my father publishes, but this drive - 3 hours and 15 minutes according to MS Streets & Trips - took eight hours. It was the hardest drive of my life; the next day, I barely made it to my Aunt's in St. Louis.

Right after I was pulled out, I saw a sign that said "Kansas City - 110." As I crossed into Missouri, I saw the exact same mileage. I wondered if I was crazy, or in some Hell reminiscent of "Groundhog Day." At this Sisyphusian moment I had a bit of an existential crisis - why do I keep working for campaigns? I felt like I was ready to go home. If there had been more oncoming traffic, or if the wind had been a little stronger, I wouldn't have walked away from that spinout. Why do I keep on keeping on?

Most of the time, I'm working for a challenger; a grassroots candidate that isn't catching the eye of the traditional media. I've been on Democratic campaigns that seemingly had a 10,000 to 1 chance of winning and a 10,000 to 1 chance of losing - and both lost (all I was on the latter was a paid canvasser, so I don't think it's my fault). I'm good at politics, but I continually wonder if it is the right avenue for change. I don't know if what I'm doing matters in the end. I stood up against the War in Iraq, and I've stood up for people in all walks of life. I've won some important battles for our local schools, the environment, and mass transit while losing battles for fellow Democrats. The day my Great Grandmother died, I had to take a break from canvassing to go light her candle at the Catholic Church I went to as a kid. Later on in the day, school bonds and two friends of mine lost to a conservative surge in the county. It feels like I've been through it all, and I'm more cynical because of it.

While I've been in Iowa, my county has been tearing itself apart over the election of a new sheriff. Racial tensions are high - it'd take two diaries to explain the situation, but in summary Democrats are at one another's throats while the Republicans are laughing all the way to the polling place. Maybe I could help; I don't know. Where I am right now, I'm having fun, and I think my candidate's going to beat expectations - but anyone who claims to know what's going to happen on that fateful January Night doesn't know what they're talking about.

So why stay here in Iowa with long odds, carrying the weight of political exhaustion? Why keep fighting these battles for the best leadership and a better country? I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, but I'm here to elect the best presidential candidate for Iowa, for North Carolina, and for America as a whole. I'm investing my blood, sweat, money, and tears in America. I don't know if I'll ever receive dividends, but I'm out here working because it's all I can do. I tried running once, but for now - I'm doing all I can do for the country I love.

Because of all of the people out here working to make America a better place regardless of the candidate, I think our party (and our netroots) are going to be fine after this election. We may not be doing the best thing, but we have nothing to worry about.

Cross-posted on Kos, Recs appreciated.