Washington, D.C. January 15th, 2007
President Bush awoke this morning to find Dick Cheney standing menacingly over his bed, which is how he starts every day, so he didn't think anything of it. Bush sat up and accepted his standard breakfast tray of Texas Toast from Condi Rice, complete with Roy Rogers plate and Mickey Mouse jelly jar glass. It was at that point that things went downhill.
"Mr. President, we have to leave in two minutes for your UN address!"
"What?" Bush jumped from the bed and sprinted out into the hallway so quickly that no one could stop him, unfortunately, he was still in his Wonder Woman underoos.
I was driving down the road today, listening to NPR talk about Condi Rice and the Palestine/Israel issue when it suddenly occured to me - he's cramming. George Bush is cramming!
Let me tell you a little bit about myself - I've crammed. I've been that guy in college who stayed up so late studying for an exam that I slept through all but the last 10 minutes. I eventually got over it. Late in my undergraduate career and throughout grad school I "got it", kept up with my studies and learned things because I wanted to, not because someone else wanted me to.
But, I've crammed. I've had the dream. You know the dream, right? You wake up one day, it's the week of finals, and you remember that you were registered for a course and FORGOT ABOUT IT ALL SEMESTER!!!!
This is where Bush lives these days, cramming. Late night dreams of showing up at work in his underwear. So, he's cramming. What is especially pathetic about this is that George Bush is an adult, not just an adult but the leader of the free freakin' world. For those of you who haven't made that leap yet, let me tell you a little secret, every adult reaches that moment when they "get it". When they realize that you aren't doing things for other people, you are doing it for yourself, no matter how trivial the task no matter how much you dislike it, it's your choice and it is your responsibility.
George Bush doesn't get it.
Here he is with two years of lame duckness coming out with a NEW plan for Iraq, a NEW plan for Palestine, a NEW outlook on Social Security, a NEW passion for the minimum wage.
He's trying to squeeze into this last night all those things he should have been doing for the last six years. But, as we all know, it's too late.
No amount of Red Bull, or coffee, or death dogs will help him through this long night. What he doesn't realize is that the final exam is already over, the dream was that he still had time to cram, and in fact he is not in his underwear, but wears no clothes.